It is important to understand the differences between the terms “grief/grieving” and “bereavement”. Grief is the psychological-emotional experience following a loss of any kind (relationship, status, job, house, game, income, etc.), whereas bereavement is a specific type of grief related to someone dying.

Grief is normal and healthy, and grieving people should honour these feelings of loss. They need loved ones to listen to them when they want to talk about their loss and to hold them when they feel overcome by emotions. Most importantly, the bereaved need patience from others. Grief does not have a specific timeline.

In 1969, psychiatrist Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross first addressed the way critically ill patients were viewed and treated. This compilation of observations and reflections came after many conversations with dying patients, and focused on their emotional reactions to death. She outlined five basic emotional stages people facing death experienced—denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Though some stages overlapped or were skipped for many patients, they were ground breaking for the time, and recognized by the mental health community as five stages of loss.

Today, modern grief research branches out from these generalizations, and recognizes the emotions associated with death and mourning as more complex, unique feelings that vary from person to person. Contemporary thoughts on grieving address individuality, pinpointing personal differences like gender, religious and cultural background, personality, social demographics and environment, among other things, as elements that play a different role in each person’s unique, personal grieving process. Many people find that their lives are better after going through grief, due to something referred to as “post- stress growth”.

Symptoms of Grief

Physical symptoms:

• head and body aches

• exhaustion

• loss of appetite or overeating

• insomnia

• over-sensitivity to noise

• shakiness

• dizziness

• shortness of breath

Emotional symptoms

• guilt anger

• anxiety

• panic

• resentment

• helplessness

• shock

• fear

• unable to feel

Behavioural symptoms

• crying

• unable to talk to others

• avoidance

• panic

• withdrawal

• substance misuse or abuse

Cognitive symptoms

• disbelief

• confusion

• disconnection from self

• preoccupation with the particular loss

• vivid dreams, both disturbing and not

What helps with Grief and Bereavement?

Since we have learned that grief is a highly individualised process, there is no specific set of practices that will help everyone. Generally, the grieving process can be seen as a time of transition and adjustment, and things that are related to positively adjusting to the loss are favourable. These include:

Staying physically healthy: depending on what kind of grieving we are doing, it can be a trying physical experience. It is essential to maintain the best diet, sleep schedule and exercise as is possible each day.

Meaning making: When we can make sense out of what happened, derive meaning from it and put it into context, we feel better.

Honouring the loss: in bereavement, people feel better when they find ways to carry on the legacy of the person and solidify a sense of remembering that will endure over time. People do this through some kind of art, activism, prayer or community involvement. It is also very common for people to maintain some kind of connection to the person they have lost, often by continued communication with them. This is only problematic when it becomes excessive and obsessive.

Time for loss and time for life: When we are consumed by grief, it can seem impossible to continue living as we normally do. It is valuable to mark a difference between focusing on the loss and focusing on their daily lives. Make sure to stay functional in your daily work and activities but also make time to focus on the loss and work through it. This is not easy but becomes easier over time. Don’t rush the process.

Don’t judge your feelings: In grief, it is very important to allow whatever feelings emerge, the space to breathe. Acknowledging your feelings in your own mind, not necessarily expressing them, will go a long way toward healing.

Ask for help if you feel you not coping well or not getting the support you need.

Courtesy Heather Bass at www.learnpsychology.org and Will Meek Ph.D. at www.psychologytoday.com