The secret to ‘finding more time’ is in deciding what things are actually worthy of your time and in planning what to do with the things that aren’t. 

I like to use a simple time management tool, called an Eisenhower box.

Put your to-do’s into one of four categories:

Urgent & Important – Things that you personally need to do, that need to get done immediately.

Not-urgent & Important – Things that you personally need to do, but that aren’t time-sensitive.

Urgent & Not-important – Things that need to get done, but that you don’t personally need to do.

Not-urgent & Not-important – Things that it’s not important that you personally do, and that it’s not really important if anyone does.

The name for the tool comes from US President Dwight D. Eisenhower, who said:

“I have two kinds of problems, the urgent and the important. The urgent are not important, and the important are never urgent.”

Urgent & important

These are the things you’ve been putting off, maybe even dreading, because you know they will be uncomfortable, or because you feel slightly guilty for taking time for yourself. The time for guilt is done. Fully caring for your family means taking care of yourself, and it means planning for what your family will do when you can no longer care for them.

Not-urgent & Important

These are things that need to be done, that aren’t critical if you don’t do them today, but that become critical if you ignore them long term. These are the things you know you need to be doing more of, but that you put off because you put the needs of others ahead of your own.

These include an exercise routine for yourself, yoga, training for a race, cycling, hobbies that bring you joy, pottery class, cooking class, a movie, and “date night” with your spouse.

When you recognize that it’s not time, but energy, that you need more of, you realize that it’s actually crucial for you to go to that pottery or film appreciation class. If it renews your energy, it is not a luxury, it’s a necessary part of your time management plan.

Urgent & not-important

This is a really tough one for parents of kids with disabilities.

It is not easy to hand over control of something that you’ve been managing for a long time. It will be difficult to watch someone else struggle to learn to do something that comes naturally to you. You will be tempted to say ‘oh, never mind, I’ll just take care of it.’

DON’T!

If you find that you’re having a difficult time delegating things, it can be helpful to take a step back from the immediate moment, and imagine how you’d like your life to be 1 or 5 or 10 years from now. If you’d still like to be packing your teen-aged child’s lunch when they go to work 10 years from now, then by all means, keep doing it.

But if you imagine that 10 years from now they’ll be packing their own lunch, ask yourself how this change will happen, and when it should start.

Why not now?

Accept that the difficulty of watching your child, your spouse, or even a professional grapple with something that you do quicker and ‘better’ is part of the process. Remove yourself from the situation, let them know where you’ll be if they have a question, and don’t watch them if that makes it easier for you. If you still have a hard time letting go of tasks that you’ve always been responsible for, it may help to meet with a counsellor, to address why this is difficult and to help ease the transitions for you.

Typical things that should be delegated are:

• Things your kids really can be doing for themselves.
  Getting dressed, preparing meals, scheduling activities.

• Things that it would be easier for a professional to do.
  Having a garden service to mow the lawn, using online grocery store instead of going shopping, getting a helper to help out with the house, washing and ironing.

• Things that a spouse can do.
  Attend children’s doctor’s appointments, preparing meals, budgeting/paying bills, picking up groceries or any other shopping that needs done.

Not-urgent & Not-important

Choosing to delete things is usually the next most difficult task for the special needs parents.

Parents often overextended themselves, but they just don’t see how they could give up on a commitment they’ve made. I usually encourage them to question if there’s something else they could give up that would alleviate stress and give them that all important energy boost, so that they’d actually enjoy the things they’ve committed to do.

Other things that parents choose to delete from their schedules are:

• Toxic friendships.
  Related to this, moms who are introverts, have to learn to tell their extrovert friends that they are going to skip the ‘moms night out’ of dining and drinking and dancing because it is exhausting to them, but that they’d love to spend time going for a walk or a coffee and connecting one on one. Again, it’s about letting go of what exhausts you, and inviting more of what invigorates you into your life.

• Time wasters.
  80% of the parents choose to eliminate certain social media apps from their smart phones. Simply having to log onto a computer (and usually setting a timer) to engage on social media causes them to enjoy the experience more than if they’re aimlessly scrolling through Facebook or Pinterest countless times a day.

• Volunteer obligations that are no longer in-line with their values.

• Social/recreational activities that their children are involved in that are no longer really meaningful for their child.
  Holding on to old habits and norms because they are comforting and engaging for their child, but they are no longer serving that purpose. Let ‘em go.

Courtesy http://www.reifpsychservices.com