I don’t like labels on adults and I don’t believe in labelling children as “Special Needs”. All children have special needs!

There are two main categories of Needs. Although all children need from both categories, some need a little more than others.

Emotional Needs – The Needs that make us feel good.

I am only adding the positive emotional needs here because these are the needs we, as parents, teachers and role models, need to reinforce in our children on a daily basis. These are; patience, love, nurturing, excitement, support, understanding, trust, anticipation, appreciation, adoration, gratitude, hope, optimism, pleasure, satisfaction, upliftment, curiosity, delight, impressed, passion, security, inquisitive, beauty, acceptance, affection, appreciation, belonging, cooperation, communication, closeness, community, companionship, compassion, consideration, consistency, respect, safety, stability, integrity, warmth, freedom, independence, choice and many, many more.

As you can see, it’s quite a long list.

Physical needs – The physical things they need to stay alive.

All children have Physical needs over and above their Emotional needs. These are; air, food, exercise/movement, sleep, shelter and water.

From these lists, tell me where special needs children fall out of the norm?

I don’t think they do. I’ll explain.

We all need the same things for life. We are all unique beings. We don’t all think the same, feel the same or do things the same way. There might be similarities, but never exactly the same.

The same goes for parenting and children. Parents who have more than one child know, even though the kids all grow up in the same home, your parenting styles are different for each child because punishment might work for one but not the other. Reasoning might work with one child but not the sibling. All children have obstacles that need to be overcome. The obstacles just take different forms. I find that herein lies the problem. Parents do not know how to overcome their own obstacles. They are ill equipped and therefore they tend to blow their children’s obstacles out of proportion. An obstacle is an obstacle. They are significant to those who are dealing with them, and if you do not have the correct tools to deal with the situation, it will be hard and seem insurmountable.

I can help!

Here are a few things to keep in mind when dealing with disabilities and children:

• First and foremost remember your child is a child. Their development may vary but they will still throw tantrums, tell you, you’re ruining their lives, get sad, get angry, feel helpless and go through puberty! You can’t escape this!

• Change the way you look at the diagnosis. Don’t see a problem! See an obstacle to overcome. By changing your perception of the problem, the child won’t feel like an outsider and different and you, the parent, won’t feel so stressed out.

• Parenting is a challenge on any given day. Accept the challenge! Once you accept the challenge, your mindset will change to a more “Parenting” mindset. If you are not up for the challenge then say so! Approach a Social Worker or a Church Minister that will assist you to find a home for the child. There are even families who will take in a special needs child and give them a home. Never let a child suffer because you are not up to the challenge. Do the right thing for both of you!

• I know you are human and you are going to question disabilities. That is a good thing, but it depends on the questions you ask. Ask questions that you can get answers to. Asking questions which will never be answered is just a means of self torture. Don’t put yourself through that! Use your energy to find answers and help.

• Do the best you can and when you don’t know, ask! There is no shame in asking for help. When rock climbers go climbing, don’t you think they need a hand up some time? Ask!

• You can’t know everything. Learn! Do research, ask questions and when something doesn’t “gel” keep asking, till you find that answer that “sits right”.

• There may be “Special Needs” schools but there are no Special Needs Workplaces. Children need to learn how to cope in the adult working world.

Parenting is not an easy task for anyone. To hold someone’s life and future in your hands is a great responsibility, but also a rewarding experience. Remember, you are not just raising children!

You are raising the next parents, the next workforce, the next doctors, lawyers, lab technicians, musicians, rock stars, husband, wife, teacher, chemist, plumber, engineer, electrician, politician…

Angelina Lopez – Head Counsellor at Lopez Counselling Services