Loss is an inevitable part of life, and grief is a natural part of the healing process. The reasons for grief are many. Dealing with a significant loss can be one of the most difficult times in a person’s life.

Different kinds of loss

The more common loss that most people are familiar with is Death. Death is actually called Bereavement and the process of grief is called mourning.

Examples include:

• Loss of a close friend

• Death of a partner

• Death of a classmate or colleague

• Death of a family member

• Death of a pet

Daily changes in life are called losses and there is a grieving process that should also be followed. Most people do not take daily losses serious and do not grieve their losses. This can create psychological and emotional challenges later. Feelings of loss are very personal, and only you know what is significant to you. People commonly associate certain losses with strong feelings of grief. Subtle or less obvious losses can also cause strong feelings of grief, even though those around you may not know the extent of your feelings. These are perceived losses that are not always obvious to those around you but impact your personal life severely. Some examples include:

• Leaving the home you have grown up in

When your child leaves home for university or to start their own lives, it can feel like an irrevocable life change for you. Knowing how to say goodbye, and dealing with the sense of loss that can follow, is part of being a parent. The pain of separation can go far beyond simply missing your son or daughter after they’re gone. Some parents feel a very real sense of grief and loss; a lack of purpose or control.

• Diseases

Diseases and illness can leave us feeling guilty for being sick, depressed, angry. “You feel an immense sense of loss for your old self and all your previous capabilities. It feels like you have had your life robbed from you, so you essentially go into a state of mourning.”

• Change of job

It happens every day. Someone decides to change careers, suddenly loses a job, or lands an assignment in an entirely new field. During this job transition, however, some powerful emotions can crop up – including fear, overwhelm, depression, guilt and even anger. While this is a natural effect of a job change, not having a plan to manage these emotions can set you up for a career meltdown.

• Marriage

After the excitement of “being in love” wears off, real life sets in and it can be disillusioning at times. Fear, anxiety and depression can set in. There is a loss of independence. There is an adjustment that needs to be made to take the other person into consideration and this can feel like a loss of self. There can be a period of feeling unsure of oneself and ones surroundings. If you have entered a toxic environment, there can be feelings of fearing for your safety, being isolated and very afraid. Not all marriages are made equal.

• Graduation from school

Loss of freedom and feeling care-free.

• Loss of a physical ability (amputation)

• Loss of financial security

• Sexual violence and abuse

For sexual abuse survivors, the loss of bodily autonomy, coupled with the fear that the attack could happen again, can cause intense anxiety.

• Being a victim of a crime

Huge losses. No one in our society escapes the impact of crime and violence which has affected our community in so many ways; crime interferes with our daily life, our personal sense of safety, and our ability to trust. It challenges the fabric of our society, our way of life. Lives are forever changed when parents are gunned down, breadwinners are murdered, and our youth die prematurely. Additionally, our respect for human life and sense of right and wrong erode; we forget problem solving and conflict resolution skills, the norm is to shoot or pay a youth a little change to shoot someone we have a problem with and so our children learn that violence is a solution to problems. We also disrespect each other and feel that we have a right to take someone’s property; hence the need for burglar bars and other protective measures. We are afraid to walk the streets, afraid to go to certain neighbourhoods, and we are hesitant to participate in social activities. These are just some examples of the impact of crime and violence

• Letting go of a long-held dream

This will leave some with a loss of interest and passion for anything will die. There will be feelings of failure, loss of self worth, self esteem and many other negative feelings.

• Drug or alcohol abuse

Loss of self.

• Physical, mental, emotional abuse

Loss of youth, loss of self, loss of self-worth, loss of dignity, loss of self-esteem, loss of boundaries, etc.

• Loss of income or employment

• Loss of mental health – depression, anxiety, fear, anger – anything that impedes peace of mind.

• Divorce and separation – loss of security, loss of happiness, loss of identity.

• Significant changes like changing schools, teachers, house, car, neighbourhood, countries – loss of comfort and familiarity.

• Birth of a child – loss of independence, loss of comfort, loss of self.

• Not succeeding in what you are doing – loss of self-esteem, self-worth.

• Living alone – loss of social acceptance.

Grief is a process of healing

It is important to note that the grief process is not linear, but is more often experienced in cycles. Grief is sometimes compared to climbing a spiral staircase where things can look and feel like you are just going in circles, yet you are actually making progress. Being patient with the process and allowing yourself to have any feelings about the loss can help. If you feel stuck in your grief, talking to a counsellor or a supportive person may help you move forward in the healing process.

Courtesy https://cmhc.utexas.edu/griefloss.html#coping