Grief and loss are often themes in young adult literature. In “The Fault in Our Stars” and even the Hunger Games series, death and grief are front and centre. Excellent resources exist for grieving children, and grief support groups are generally developed with adults in mind. Unfortunately, grieving teenagers are often left to fend for themselves.

At a time when adolescents face numerous social and emotional challenges in a highly-charged developmental period, it is essential to realize that they may exhibit grief differently than young children or adults. Understanding and recognizing these differences is key to identifying a grieving teenager and responding to his or her unique needs.

Parents and teachers, should know that:

1. Teenagers are likely to experience losses that are sudden, unexpected, and traumatic

At a time when teenagers most strongly base their own identity on their peers, a loss of a peer is likely to be due to a traumatic event like crime, an accident or substance abuse. Even other losses, such as the death of a parent or sibling, may feel unexpected even if from natural causes. Teenagers may need support in processing the complex emotions often associated with grief after sudden death, including a sense that the world is less than safe or predictable.

2. Teenagers can be isolated in their grief

As teenagers become more independent, they also may become less comfortable in seeking support from parents or other adults. The young child who once curled up in a parent’s lap when upset, may now be the teenager who slams his or her bedroom door. It may be more challenging for parents to effectively assess whether a teenager is having a difficult time coping with a loss, or to even know that a loss has occurred in their life. Take the time to have a private conversation with him or her and find out what is going on in their lives.

          3. Teenager egocentricity stresses the need for normalcy

Teenagers often believe the world is constantly looking at them and judging them. The teenager then places great value on fitting in — emphasizing a sense of strength and normalcy. The grieving teenager is likely to keep grief at a distance to not be seen by peers as “the kid whose father died.”

          4. Teenagers are more likely to turn to the Internet and social media as they cope with loss

Teenagers go online for information and utilize a variety of forms of social media for support and opportunities to memorialise. While good information and social support can be found online, teenagers also need to be reminded that the information may not be accurate, and that the anonymity of the Internet may expose them to cruel comments or even online predators.

          5. Adolescence is often a time of spiritual questioning

Teenagers know the beliefs that they have been taught in childhood. Part of the development of identity during adolescence is asking, “What is it that I believe?” In a time of spiritual questioning, grieving teenagers may not be able to rely on their faith as strongly as they did as children, or as strongly as they may again in adulthood. Adults supporting grieving teens need to encourage them to explore their spirituality and grieve in an open and honest way.

           6. Teenager grief may be masked by other behaviours

Acting out behaviours, substance abuse and eating disorders may all be ways that the teenager copes with loss and seeks support.

In recent years, we have moved away from looking at grief as a process of universal stages, understanding instead the very personal pathways people experience in their journey with grief. An individual’s grief is as unique as a fingerprint or snowflake. While there are differences in the ways that teenagers may express and experience grief, two things remain the same: Significant losses of the individuals with whom teenagers form attachments, will cause grief, and most important, a teenager — as any grieving person — needs understanding and support while coping with loss in his or her own individual way.

by Kenneth J Doka, M.Div., PhD

Courtesy https://www.huffingtonpost.com