Before you go…

Motivation matters – For couples counselling to work for any couple, they must be motivated to move together toward a shared vision of what their relationship could be. No amount of counselling could ever ‘save’ a marriage if there is no motivation to do so.

Timing matters – Dr John Gottman, founder of The Gottman Institute, has uncovered that couples wait until an average of six years after problems start before seeking professional help to heal their relationship. As you can imagine, six years of pent up frustration and resentment will not be undone in one session of couples counselling. So, timing matters! It matters how soon you begin counselling after problems arise, and it also matters how long you are willing to devote to counselling.

Studies show that couples raising kids with ADHD and Autism are more likely to divorce before their child is eight years old. After that age, the divorce rate drops. It would seem then, that there’s a critical time frame during which to be proactive if a couple is considering counselling. That time is when your child is young, as you begin to notice patterns in your relationship that are unsettling to you and your spouse.

Common issues that special needs parents should address in couples counselling

Couples raising kids with disabilities face some really distinctive challenges. While every couple is unique, these are some of the more common issues that Special Needs Parents may find it helpful to address in counselling together.

Imbalance in care-taking – One parent feels they’re shouldering the full burden of caring for their child with disabilities, while the other often feels they’ve lost their partner to full-time parenthood.

Feeling isolated – Withdrawing from relationships is a common reaction to feeling overwhelmed by raising a child with disabilities. Often, parents find that they are withdrawing from each other as well, even as they are ‘working together’ to raise their children.

Feeling that there’s no time – Related to isolation, the feeling that there’s not enough time to meet all of their responsibilities can overwhelm even the most resilient couples. If you’re feeling that you have no time and energy to do what’s expected of you, it may help to take a really critical look at your expectations and that of others. Are they realistic? If you still find that you’re feeling that you can’t fit everything into your day, it may help to have a professional listener by your side as you evaluate what’s not working.

Being paralysed by fear of what the future will bring – Many couples know they need to have a plan for the future yet, year after year, no progress is made. A counsellor can assist you with this task.

Anger & Denial – For many people, adjusting to their child’s diagnosis is extremely difficult. They feel guilt, anger, and ultimately denial. This can be compounded when one spouse has accepted their child’s special needs, and the other hasn’t. Addressing this with a couple’s counsellor can help guarantee that each partner’s views are voiced and heard, while ensuring that the couple stays connected in their relationship in spite of their differing perspectives.

Sibling issues – Many parents of kids with disabilities feel guilt for how they’re parenting their other children. You question if you’re being ‘fair’ to all of your children.

Feeling powerless to affect real change in your life and in your marriage – Sometimes parents whose children have disabilities begin to question if they have true control over their lives. This can start to impact how you view your relationships, and can leave you feeling helpless to make positive changes in your relationship with your partner.

You’re not alone in the struggles that you face, or in wondering if it could help to have some professional help in maintaining your marriage. If you think this is the right next step for you and your partner, I sincerely hope you will take it.

Courtesy http://www.reifpsychservices.com